One year on...Happy Birthday Hope Singapore!

Hope Singapore Musios

With the Hope Bangkok Musios Chin Chin - Singer, Nathan - Keyboardist and the Bassist (forgot his name :( )

My only other piece in the strings duet Sijia

Me and Daniel Leow - Youth Worship Leader

What a wonderful weekend! My mum really came! Standing there in the midst of all the crowd I can see her. Thank God for her making this small step to come to church! Although she left halfway unable to take the blaring music..I am grateful already..this is such a breakthrough. I think I must have gone through the worst spiritual warfare yet...I strained my vocal chords from teaching, My dad last minute pulled out from coming to see me play, my stress levels gone up and I am perpetually shaking badly at times, my heartaches even more, The devil really comes to search, kill and destroy..

Many times I wanna put down, come on, You all don't need a violinist right? I badly need the break...my own needs are not met! God spoke to me during the worship on serving Him forever and trusting in Him...I was so touched. In my quiet time God also spoke,

John 15:16 ~" You did not chose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last".

It's a simple verse, but God made me realise again that He has appointed me as a minister and with that comes a need of a heart to be of total surrender to HIM. I broke down and cry again...It was another spiritual experience that I have felt within this month! Amidst the mad rush of costume preparation, makeup and all, I realised that I really love God and His people. Nothing can take me away, I decided once again to put down the disappointments and hurts that I have felt these few weeks once again down at the Lord's feet. God appoints He will provide and magnify. Whatever little talent you have, give it all to God, Give it all to Jesus.

He knows...

The last 6 years of my life was dedicated to this church and I am so glad that I found my family here. Having backslided for 5 years. Chukai, my dear friend from uni days introduced me here in 2001. I was so blessed by this family, all the hard decisions that I made, each to put down more of myself and put more Him into my heart, I realised that my life was never the same again.
Thank God for all the sheep, the shepherds, the pastors, the musios!! the wonderful brothers and sisters in this family of Christ! :D

The growing process was ardous and not without much pain but its this family that made me want to grow in my faith and simply love the Word of God more , not forgetting a simple wanting to obey what God says...which is quite tough due to my stubborn pride..God peels off all these little things like the skin of an onion...

I love this family of Christ, I love this family of God!

What does a Teacher make?

Got this from a MOE email...:P
Not really into ego boosting here...but just wanna encourage those who are very tired already in the teaching profession to hang on and to press on...Don't quit on them ...now...

What Do Teachers Make?

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

He reminded the other dinner guests that it's true what they say about teachers, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."

To corroborate, he said to another guest, "You're a teacher, Susan," he said.
"Be honest. What do you make?" Susan, who had a reputation of honesty and frankness replied, "You want to know what I make?"
"I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could. I can make a C+ feel like a Congressional Medal of Honor and an A- feel like a C+ slap in the face if the student did not do his or her very best."
"I can make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence."
"I can make parents tremble in fear when I call home."
"You want to know what I make?"
"I make kids wonder." "I make them question."
"I make them criticize." "I make them apologize and mean it."
"I make them write." "I make them read, read, read."
"I make them spell definitely beautiful, definitely beautiful, and definitely beautiful over and over and over again, until they will never misspell either one of those words again."
"I make them show all their work in math and hide it all on their final drafts in English."
"I make them understand that if you have the brains, then follow your heart
... and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you make,
you pay them no attention."
"You want to know what I make?"
"I make a difference."
"What about you?"

(Source: http://www.bpsd.org/williampenn/room103/whyteach.htm)

My Teachers' Day Gifts

Thoughts on the Word that was spoken...

Photo taken of me by the school photographer during National Day celebrations

That word that was spoken... kept in my mind...I was occupied by it and i think it is really a spiritual experience from God. Considering the fact that brother Terry don't really know me. I went through with God, in my mind, what's the void that he talks about? Why can't I receive God's love? Haven't I been doing all those things? Praying, worshipping God, dun I feel sense of peace? Joy?

I realise now that it is a manifestation of a jealous, bitterness that I build myself up when something does not go my way. I can't forgive, I can't bring love into my heart when I so easily judge people like that and try to be nice to the person, which I immediately discount off as a character which I have perceived it to be.

Yesterday, spent one whole afternoon with Jasmaine...she tried her utmost to ask me forgive someone and to talk more to someone. me being super stubborn, refused to see her point when I was so angry, disappointed with that person. She really hoped that I could speak into the person's life. I kept arguing with her that, well firstly the person must want to talk to me right? How to talk to that person when all the time of that person is spent in another group talking to the person and focusing on that particular person? Yet I am amazed, Jasmaine saw something in me that she felt that I am the best the person to speak into the person's life.

woo hoo...feel the cattiness in me?

I retort, well if that person spent so much time with that person, might as well SHE go and talk to that person. Why me? I am NOT capable...can't talk to that person...WHY SHOULD I EVEN BOTHER AND HELP?

woo hooo more cattiness...woo hooo scary right....I thank God that He sends Jasmaine at this point in time...I think really God, zam His brakes and grabs hold my hand at this very moment...

Ah...God steps in at this point...that person's name pops up EVERYWHERE...in my lesson passages I prepared, in MRT trains, in buses, lorries, in newspapers, that NAME jumps out JUMPS OUT...Okay God...I will stop running away and avoiding ...:S
but why me? I keep asking God?

I have a serious lack of God's love in my heart.
Hmm, this lack of love, has robbed joy, robbed love, my heart arteries has gone through heart bypass. Actually with God's love, everything else will flow in your life. I would first need to receive it first. Praying hard now. I believe, I believe God has brought this word to me because He loves me a lot and wants me to hold on to the promises and that He has mentioned.

Yesterday, I relooked at Phillippians 4:6-7,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
THANKSGIVING, PEACE...very simple words

Prayer with thanksgiving to the Lord, brings forth joy and anticipation and trust, you would not be so complaining and bitter and fearful or lamenting...hmmmm

Prayer life that only dwells in the latter will result in disappointment with God that results in an expectation which firstly did not build on trust in God.

Thanksgiving in my prayers...joy will come :) Help me Lord, Help me, Help me, Help me..

Prophecy and thoughts...

Ah...finally been catching up with Law's , YC's and ppl's blogs...

Most of them blog about the same thing...having time finally to sit down and rest and finally enjoy a quiet afternoon or day off, listening to Praise and worship songs or simply not rush...

A few comments from my loved ones and Dad sparked these thoughts,

Dad ~ "It's been 3-4 years since I last properly talked to you or seen you around at home".

Cousin Zhi Yuan (Whom I am teaching Tuition) - "Wow, Jie3, You seemed to be so busy 24 hours a day!!!"

Truth being, I have not met friends, I have books unread, I have not packed my room, I have not slept, I have not got time to rest for ....yupps they said it years...very disturbing eh?

Don't want my life to be a vicious cycle, as YC as so aptly put in his blog, 7 days a week 2 days for weekends for supposedly "rest" is NOT ENOUGH. More concrete plans would have to be made or they would just slip slip away...

The word through the Holy Spirit which was spoken by brother Terry was so real, last Sunday that it was really sharp. He spoke of patches of darkness and patches of light in my life, caused by fluctuating emotions. Sometimes, I have that mountaintop experience of being excited for God, sometimes, I feel drained, disappointment, loneliness and pain. He urged me to pray and worship the Lord more, that I would receive His love and through it comes the Fruit of the Spirit, Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and Self-Control. Do i want to subject myself to the pain and drawl of emotional swings again? sigh...

Prayer, Worship must be essential for a significant change in my life...What am I waiting for?

Praise to the Lord!