Thoughts on the Word that was spoken...

Photo taken of me by the school photographer during National Day celebrations

That word that was spoken... kept in my mind...I was occupied by it and i think it is really a spiritual experience from God. Considering the fact that brother Terry don't really know me. I went through with God, in my mind, what's the void that he talks about? Why can't I receive God's love? Haven't I been doing all those things? Praying, worshipping God, dun I feel sense of peace? Joy?

I realise now that it is a manifestation of a jealous, bitterness that I build myself up when something does not go my way. I can't forgive, I can't bring love into my heart when I so easily judge people like that and try to be nice to the person, which I immediately discount off as a character which I have perceived it to be.

Yesterday, spent one whole afternoon with Jasmaine...she tried her utmost to ask me forgive someone and to talk more to someone. me being super stubborn, refused to see her point when I was so angry, disappointed with that person. She really hoped that I could speak into the person's life. I kept arguing with her that, well firstly the person must want to talk to me right? How to talk to that person when all the time of that person is spent in another group talking to the person and focusing on that particular person? Yet I am amazed, Jasmaine saw something in me that she felt that I am the best the person to speak into the person's life.

woo hoo...feel the cattiness in me?

I retort, well if that person spent so much time with that person, might as well SHE go and talk to that person. Why me? I am NOT capable...can't talk to that person...WHY SHOULD I EVEN BOTHER AND HELP?

woo hooo more cattiness...woo hooo scary right....I thank God that He sends Jasmaine at this point in time...I think really God, zam His brakes and grabs hold my hand at this very moment...

Ah...God steps in at this point...that person's name pops up EVERYWHERE...in my lesson passages I prepared, in MRT trains, in buses, lorries, in newspapers, that NAME jumps out JUMPS OUT...Okay God...I will stop running away and avoiding ...:S
but why me? I keep asking God?

I have a serious lack of God's love in my heart.
Hmm, this lack of love, has robbed joy, robbed love, my heart arteries has gone through heart bypass. Actually with God's love, everything else will flow in your life. I would first need to receive it first. Praying hard now. I believe, I believe God has brought this word to me because He loves me a lot and wants me to hold on to the promises and that He has mentioned.

Yesterday, I relooked at Phillippians 4:6-7,

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
THANKSGIVING, PEACE...very simple words

Prayer with thanksgiving to the Lord, brings forth joy and anticipation and trust, you would not be so complaining and bitter and fearful or lamenting...hmmmm

Prayer life that only dwells in the latter will result in disappointment with God that results in an expectation which firstly did not build on trust in God.

Thanksgiving in my prayers...joy will come :) Help me Lord, Help me, Help me, Help me..