The Year of testing

Ever been through a year or so, months on end that you feel that you are being tested through and through? Everytime I was weighed down by the events that were happening to me, the gruelling of running the Christian race is never easy, I really want to cry. I want to cry real bad.

Poy mentioned that CG night, "Wah, being a Christian is not easy ah!" I told Jeannie also, "When heavy people fall, the impact on the fall on them is very big."
I meant literally of course, but when I thought back of the statements made..WOW something struck.
It's like months on end I seem to be going through things, struggling in between jobs, finances stretched, emotions tested through and through and stress from work and studies. Getting a bit inward looking I know, but all these are like burdens that weighed on your back, the wounds which cut your skin left scars and scratches. You still have remnants of it on your body after each saga.

I am getting "heavier" by all these, and I don't wanna fall. Really, its scary just to even think about it. The impact on yourself would be too great. Really need to daily release all these burdens to God! Of course there are tons of people worse off than me...but this is not a pity party....I ask myself,"How do I last the race?" Throwing in the towel is easy but its like being an escapist. A recent spate of events that happened to me can really make my hair turn grey. I was caught off guard, I wasn't prepared for this, Lord how do handle this? Stress levels hit an all time high, I was talking gibberish, my hands are shaking, I could not really think straight. What I thought I had overcome again, resurfaced in a totally new incident, GOd spoke to me, THAT is my stronghold.

Been reading Acts 24-26 about Paul being brought to trial before Felix, Fetus and the Caesar. He was tested, gruelling interrogations, at one point he could have got off the whole thing with a bribe but he chose to hang on. Two years plus of imprisonment and trial after trial...got me thinking, Will I succumb when tempted or deprived of something which is my stronghold? (hahah think I can hear a certain policeman's voice,"YOU MUST WEEN OFF COFFEE!")

Really tired, even as I write this, tears are welling in my eyes...Read this passage today and am greatly encouraged, made me wanna do something about the condition of my heart,

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perished even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Though you have not seen Him, you love Him and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls"

1 Peter 1:6-9

I am hanging on to the hope cos Jesus say so, I need to rejoice in what I am going through cos I know that at the end of it, I will receive the GOAL, God's divine and wonderful GOAL for me in my life. I am praying for myself to be rejoicing to be tested in this manner, cos these are the times that my faith is stretched even more, its like you step into something you are absolutely afraid of but you need to go through it with faith. Sometimes, you need to do it, not just for yourself, but for the people around you, for the people that really matters to you, for GOD!

Hang on Rac!