Take it to the Cross of Jesus

Met up with a long lost friend today, AS. It was a really good time of catching up and sharing. Remember those days early this year when I was still working in Shenton Way , we used to have lunch together every other day. This time round I saw her, my heart melted...she lost so much weight that at least to me her face seemed to sink in! Remnants of a really pretty face still remain..but what I saw was a face washed with tears, hurts, stress and hardship from the past 6 months since I last saw her.

Was pretty worried when she din contact me after I sms-ed her a birthday greeting. After we were seated comfortably did all the pouring come out. She was really broken and hurt inside. It's been years of accumulated hatred, hurt and unforgiveness that formed her from what she is today - a hardened heart.

She tried to put up a brave front still smiled and joked a lot in front of me, but the crunch time came when I asked her about her work...there torrents ran down her cheeks... AS could not take the pressure from work and hurts from her family that her sharing kept going back to the unfair treatment that she felt, the hurts that her family caused that she had began to question herself deeply, "Why am I working so hard for?" Stress and dejection really broke her when she realised that all in all she was really empty inside despite being in a high paying job and in high profile in the corporate world.

I assured her that she's really established as a career woman. "Rachel, you do not see what goes on inside, all the hurt and pain..." AS went on and on, so many times she cried over past hurts that her family has caused her, so many times she cried over the job that's wearing her down...

"AS, in our down times, do not let the devil have a foothold!" I keep praying for this friend, this deep cut inside that causing so much pain, the incident that fateful night one year ago at home that caused her to move out of her home, I pray that the Lord will hear her cry and heal her of her hurts. Questions came up on whether I hated my parents, which i told her in the past yes, I did, parents like humans are fallible, they did many unfair things and also hurt me, which I told CC the other day, the unspoken anguish that sometimes as firstborn that you have to carry... but its the forgiveness that brought me freedom, me finally putting down all the scores against my parents that once brought pain into joy... learnt a most wonderful quote today from Dr Lewis Smedes, in "Forgive and Forget"

"Revenge never evens the score, for alienated people never keep score of wrongs by the same mathematics. Forgiveness is the ONLY way to stop the cycle of unfair pain turning in your memory."

It's this same forgiveness that we must first have to see that we do will somehow fail another person, in whatever we do or in our speech, we need to acknowledge the fact that no matter how hard it seems to not to keep score, not to hold on to the right that you must be upset, or that the right to feel wronged.Freedom comes when we call onto the Lord!

My dear AS, you ARE in my prayers...

FINISHED 12 ASSIGNMENTS!

Yes, dear ladies and gentlemen, I have FINISHED my share of assignments for this semester. The moment when I slapped my IT Assignment CD on the table to my tutor during the timeslot today, I was ECSTATIC! No words can describe the feeling of huge relief that I felt.

All the Madness, late nights, all the discussions and word processing...wah...I have become an "assignment generator"!!

BUT WAIT....WAIT...assignments over...BUT my first English Paper is tomorrow! 2nd Nov...oppps!

*gasp* :P

Love-the driving force behind this run???

I underestimated the driving force of Love to me when I found myself,

Pushing the limits to run past my own stamina to hit the ends of East Coast Park yesterday to chase after a particular sickly sister, who ran alone, hitting way past 10km and having bad muscle aches now

I underestimated what Love can do to me, when I found myself,

Doing things that I would never imagine myself doing, like running like the wind in my flip flops (Sky Train not working la!:S) from Changi Terminal 2 to Terminal 1 after fetching a bro to send another bro off to his trip, to catch him before he leaves...

I underestimated the magnitude of Love that my parents had for me when

I saw that they always kept food for me even when I reach home late at night, and my dad will ALWAYS wait up for me, it really gives a warm fuzzy feeling all at once...

I underestimate the power of Love that can do to my soul when,

It propels me to pray, to worry, to shed tears, to simply think about the people I care for, to go to that person in need even when I am dead tired...

I underestimate what motivating force that Love has on me, when

I picked up playing the violin again after a span of 12 years at age 24, I made myself learn the guitar at age 23 all in a bid to learn to worship God better, to learn to adore God better,to learn to love God better...

I underestimate the sweetness of God's Love when,

In more ways than one, He has watched over me in my down times, He has blessed me with small rewards to let me know that He is still there, He healed me of my hurts and pain, He healed me of my sickness, He speaks to me and is the one I hold on to!

I underestimated the ultimate source of Love when,

I finally realised how much Christ loves us and died for our sins, the ugliness of my sins, my petty "crimes" that I have committed, the foul words that I have spoken, the evil thoughts that I have kept in my mind..WOW blows my mind everytime...I could only ask for His continuous Grace on me...

What has Love propelled you to do today? :)

NOSTALGIA TIME! 5 years mark in HOPE!

Five Years have past...I have rededicated my life to join a church, after having been a runaway sheep for years... It's been FIVE years with HOPE! *drum roll*

Been through 5 years of ministry in Hope, many laughter and of course tears...At the end of it all, you really appreciate those who have seen through with you all these years...Unearthed some really old pics of my fellow brothers and sisters (again!)...had a good laugh at some of them! So be nice to me or they would be slowly released to the world! (*evil laughter)...nah, I love God and His people too!

Do reminisce with me for those who have walked with me ...*pat on the back*!
Let's look forward to many more years to come eh?


Love you all!

The Year of testing

Ever been through a year or so, months on end that you feel that you are being tested through and through? Everytime I was weighed down by the events that were happening to me, the gruelling of running the Christian race is never easy, I really want to cry. I want to cry real bad.

Poy mentioned that CG night, "Wah, being a Christian is not easy ah!" I told Jeannie also, "When heavy people fall, the impact on the fall on them is very big."
I meant literally of course, but when I thought back of the statements made..WOW something struck.
It's like months on end I seem to be going through things, struggling in between jobs, finances stretched, emotions tested through and through and stress from work and studies. Getting a bit inward looking I know, but all these are like burdens that weighed on your back, the wounds which cut your skin left scars and scratches. You still have remnants of it on your body after each saga.

I am getting "heavier" by all these, and I don't wanna fall. Really, its scary just to even think about it. The impact on yourself would be too great. Really need to daily release all these burdens to God! Of course there are tons of people worse off than me...but this is not a pity party....I ask myself,"How do I last the race?" Throwing in the towel is easy but its like being an escapist. A recent spate of events that happened to me can really make my hair turn grey. I was caught off guard, I wasn't prepared for this, Lord how do handle this? Stress levels hit an all time high, I was talking gibberish, my hands are shaking, I could not really think straight. What I thought I had overcome again, resurfaced in a totally new incident, GOd spoke to me, THAT is my stronghold.

Been reading Acts 24-26 about Paul being brought to trial before Felix, Fetus and the Caesar. He was tested, gruelling interrogations, at one point he could have got off the whole thing with a bribe but he chose to hang on. Two years plus of imprisonment and trial after trial...got me thinking, Will I succumb when tempted or deprived of something which is my stronghold? (hahah think I can hear a certain policeman's voice,"YOU MUST WEEN OFF COFFEE!")

Really tired, even as I write this, tears are welling in my eyes...Read this passage today and am greatly encouraged, made me wanna do something about the condition of my heart,

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith - of greater worth than gold, which perished even though refined by fire - may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honour when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Though you have not seen Him, you love Him and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls"

1 Peter 1:6-9

I am hanging on to the hope cos Jesus say so, I need to rejoice in what I am going through cos I know that at the end of it, I will receive the GOAL, God's divine and wonderful GOAL for me in my life. I am praying for myself to be rejoicing to be tested in this manner, cos these are the times that my faith is stretched even more, its like you step into something you are absolutely afraid of but you need to go through it with faith. Sometimes, you need to do it, not just for yourself, but for the people around you, for the people that really matters to you, for GOD!

Hang on Rac!

What I wanted to be when I grow up...

When I was growing up I had many dreams and aspirations.
Come to think of it, some of them are so farnie!!

I can remember during my Primary 1 or 2 days when the teacher would tell us to draw something that we wanted to be when we grow up..it was like the most asked question that my parents would coax me into answering day in and day out...

I remember the first time I drew a pic of my dream career, can you believe it I wanted to be a - POLICEMAN! I remember vividly striding into the Police Post one fine day with my Papa cos he wanted to report a minor accident with his car, think I was 6 or 7, I boldly told the PC in charge that, "Uncle, I want to be a POLICEMAN!" (I spot super short hair and my dad dressed me up like a boy) He bent down and talked to me like a adult to a child would and went,"You sure you want to be a Policeman? You dare to touch DEAD BODY?" not knowing what I was in for, I answered, "YES!"

Years later, i knew I would stray for this childhood ambition, after watching too much Crime Watch and saw all the horrible murders, and yes..seeing for myself TWO DBs! Blood splattered at the void deck from my block when some distressed ppl chose to commit suicide there..

Okay too much info, my next farnie ambition was to be a SIA girl! Always tell myself that I am tall enough and I shall apply to be a "Singapore girl" hee hee...cannot lor, me too "chor lor"...But was thinking, how nice it would be to fly all over the world and see places!

Then, I wanted to be an engineer, I struggled in my studies thru my engineer course, it was only until the final year did I finally found what I like about my studies, the Environmental Engineering part...:) Water treatment, Wastewater research, remembering the lab days when I ran samples after samples of "sh*t water". There was this prof in uni who inspired me a lot into this field, his name is Prof Appan. He made me so passionate about my research that I wanted to get a job into it after I grad, but sad to say, think the path that God has chosen for me was to be so different...

Remember a particular beer advertisement sometime back I think the guy in it goes,"My father was an engineer, and so was my father's father, But I am someone different..."

I can quote, "My father is an teacher and so is my mother, I am going to be one and so is my youngest sister!" Self fulfilling prophecy...:P These days, I am glad that the Lord has led me to where I am...:)

But there's this one HUGE dream since sec days till my early uni days on what I really wanted to be...I wanted to be a singer!! I love singing and love to add my own versions to any songs that I came across in the past. I would sing in the shower, I would sing on the way home, I would make up a song with any word that my friend's conversations end with, sometimes i write my own songs..I joined singing competitions in school, Hall Sing and strum group, Choir and really love KTV!!

Unearthed this next video of me and my sis Kerri when I was searching for a lost CD.. FIVE YEARS ago in Sep 2001 where she came to my hall to sing with me...I was not really part of HOPE yet, being a fringe member...wahaha...check out the geeky hairstyle and my shot at "stardom"!! Enjoy!

Weird dreams...waking up to reality

Been encountering weird dreams earlier this week, distinctly heard a voice speaking into the picture and have seen clearly the face of a certain leader in the church...

Why this dream God? Has it manifested itself from what I have been constantly pondering in my mind to become in my dreams? Chinese say, "Ye4 chang2 mong4 duo1"
Woke up with a smile actually but at the same time feeling weird all over...

It's a very surreal feeling when sometimes what you dream come to pass and you have that "deja vu" feeling and you pray that its something that God wants to speak to you about. But that series of dreams...too abstract..something I dun quite understand... but I do know that the Lord is in charge of the situation. Somehow deep in my heart I hope and pray for that to happen...:P

The reality is not so easy, hardly so sweet as the dream but we have the LORD! :D

NIE is really tough, I witnessed colleagues breaking down under the stress, going "gila" in lectures, and simply talking gibberish when they try to talk to you. Some are mothers, others are fathers, breadwinners of the family, worrying over their child's PSLE and if someone has fallen sick of the family, anxiety and stress started to plaster all over the person's face. Recent spate of "throwing the letter of resignation" has occurred in the heat of assignments.

I wonder, studying in a high-strung environment, a distinctive college they call it, only to come out into another stress oven in the school environment. I question myself more and more, God to convict me, God to see me through this stress, Lord Jesus to help me bask in His love and glory to see me through. Hard questions everyday, do I really want to go through all these?

Then, I remembered my kids, my dear boys from that white-washed school in Bartley Rd, i remember every single face, every single friend that touched my heart in that school. Every prayer and every situation that I walked with the Lord in that little school. I was encouraged. I want to go back there. I miss them...

Dedicated to my little "dears"...

I'd know I'll Always ... by Rachel Tham

I'd know I'll always walk with a little skip in my gait

When I remember your smile upon me at the gate

I'd know I'll always dream of going back to the same place,

When I seem to retrace every incident back to where it began.

I'd know I'll always melt in my heart,

When I remember your voice, your face, your sweet sweet spirit,

I'd know I'll always ring in my ears,

With the sounds of your singing and jokes,

I'd know I'll always imagine being with you,

When I always look beside me to remember the times you walk with me,

I'd know I'll always pray for you,

Pray that each day with the Lord would be full of joy!

I'd know I'll always miss you, think of you, love you ALL.....

When my lips curl up when I talk about you,

I'd know I'll always cherish and wish you all the best

In all that you are ever going to do...

I'd know I'll always.....like you!

Let pictures do the talking....what happ in the past 2 weeks..

Create Your Own!

Woke up from a deep deep sleep...

Ever experienced this before, yourself working on an assignment or project continuously for a few days, not eating much or sleeping only at most 3 hours a day?
Then when you are finally done, you presented your stuff and you are like so so drained?

This is what just happened to me...I think the total number of hours I clocked this week on sleep is really less than 48 hours. So drained...I had my English presentation today, its one where each pair of teacher trainees will take over the tutor's role and give basically a lesson. We are to teach the class a particular topic. All research work and materials we are to collate ourselves and it takes up 20% of our curriculum

Me and my partner talked for a cool 2 hours, showing videos and giving our presentation. This is really not easy.. can imagine now how the Pastors talked on stage for so long... on one hand you have to engage your audience, another hand you have to explain and present your point across in a logical manner.

The moment my presentation ended at 230pm today...I don't know what happened after that.
I must have been living in a state of semi-conscious mind, i staggered to my last tutorial class of the day, slept through a good part of it, I remembered the previous day I had gone without food since morning working on the assignment..
I slept in my car pool.. and when i reached home I told my Auntie not to wake me up for dinner and fell into a deep deep sleep only to wake up at 12am to realise that the world has spun 5 and half hours. Not exactly feeling the sense of loss cos got more things coming up.

I had presented on teaching a particular text genre on expositions to children and on expanding the children's imagination by teaching them to write argumentative essays. Have attached the following video:

Some background, The teacher had told the kids to draw whatever comes to their mind. And this kid just kept on colouring everything black.A frightening scene for her.. Appalled the teacher sought the parent's help, psychiatrists' help...
The poor kid went into an asylum until the teacher discovered a trait of the kid...

Watch to the end...blew my mind on this one...in Japanese

Something that I just learnt and re-learnt

2 Corinthians 5:20

"We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God."

Just read a short but powerful and inspiring blog entry by Zhu Zhu and reaffirmed the perspective of God once again in my life.

What does it mean to be an ambassador for Christ? Means our lives, wholly representing Him and live out in His will through His grace and guidance.
How many times have God spoken to me and I have not taken Him at His Word? Saying, "Yes, Lord! Here I am, send me!" to simply to trust, to carry out and to just obey...

I let it slip too many times, Be reconciled to God, bridging this gap, drawing Him closer once again...

Taking a break from Mad Rush of 12 assignments...

Yesh, this is crazy, i am sleep deprived, i have bad skin and yesh i look bad...

Study is tough and I am hanging on to God for dear life..

Today we had an rather interesting English class on rewriting sentences using better discriptive language. I am sure you all have seen it in the pri school English papers on joining two sentences together....

Well, some of the guys in the class managed to churn out really beautiful sentences, sure bet that they write really romantic love letter to their wives...:P

Okay, here are some sentences :

Question 1: The wind blew. John got cold.
Example: The icy wind blew strongly, making John feel like he was in a freezer.

Question 2: Carrie stood at the bus-stop. She was upset.

Rewriting 1: Carrie waited nervously at the bus-stop, sobbing quietly to herself.

Rachel's version: As she stood all alone at the bus-stop, the loneliness in Carrie's heart was not doing anything to stop tears from falling down her cheeks.

Question 3: The athlete ran. He won the race.
Rewriting 1: (This one takes the cake, by my classmate)The super-human athlete raced like lightning across the finishing line, breaking the ribbon in a flourish.

Question 4: She drank her coffee. She was thinking.

Rachel's version: Sipping her morning cuppa, she contemplated the day's events.

Question 5: Peter looked at the bully. He did not like him.
Rewriting 1: (another winner from the same guy) Peter stared swords and daggers at the very personification of evil at the corner, wishing the building will fall and crush him.

Rachel's version: Peter growled at the boy at the corner, the very presence of him made his hair stand on end.

Question 6: Wendy walked into the room. It was hot.

Rachel's version: Wendy walked into what seemed like a furnace of a room, with beads of perspiration plastered to the shirt on her back.

Now you try!

Question 7: Bruno was a dog. He barked at strangers.

Question 8: It rained all day. I thought it wouldn't stop.

My baby's hurting!

It's been close to 3 weeks that my baby sis has torn her ligament in her leg.

Swells, bruising, cast, crutches and all.

It's so traumatising for her in the midst of it all, where we all rushed to see her that morning and brought her to A & E of NUH.

"Torn ligament, with the ankle bone jutting out", declared the doctor.

I was so thankful that we din heed my dad's advice to immediately bring her to the Chinese sinseh, cos the moment me and my mum saw the foot, it's more than just a normal sprain...

Today, I helped her put the bandage onto her foot after my mum applied "Zheng4 Gu2 Shui3" after what was like the umpteenth time and it has a very pungent smell.

She winced.

Pain indescribable. My heart ached.

I bandaged for her and actually stole a prayer for her when my mum finally retreated to the room.

Tears rolled down her cheeks. Was it pain from the massaging of the foot or could there be a faintest hint that she was touched by the prayer?

It really hurts when someone you really love and care for break down in tears in front of you. I feel like crying with her.

God, only You know and You heal. Please restore her back to health, straighten her ankle and let her walk again. I pray for her that she would not go through the experience of operating on her foot and she would be able to do sports again. I hope and I pray that she would be close to Christ through this period of time. Help my baby, O Lord! Amen!

Cry Out To Jesus by THIRD DAY

This is a rather poignant video...am touched by the lyrics and also the song.
One of popular contemporary Christian Rock Bands ...:P

Cry Out To Jesus - Third Day (2005)

To everyone who's lost someone they love
long before it was their time.
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye.

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
keepin' you back from your life.
You believe that there's nothing
and there is no one who can make it right.

Chorus:

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are.

Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love.
and they've done all they can to make it right again
still it's not enough.

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
you try to give up but you come back again.
Just remember that you're not alone
in your shame and your suffering.

There is hope for the helpless, rest for the weary,
and love for the broken hearts.
There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are.

Cry out to Jesus.

When you're lonely and it feels like the whole world is falling on you
you just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus

Cry to Jesus.

To the widow who suffers from being alone,
wipin' the tears from her eyes.
For the children around the world without a home,
say a prayer tonight.

Chorus (Repeat 2 times)

Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.

Cry out to Jesus. Cry out to Jesus.

2 Milestones in Life

This week is a week of milestones for me..

Milestone 1: I completed running 5km much faster now.
On Saturday, I actually woke up at 545am to run! Inspired by the enthusiasm of my sheep, she was very very keen to practise running the Stan Chart Run really early in the morning! Poy and Ah Cheng both had something on at 11am so Zhu Zhu came up with the idea of running at 7am at the River Valley Ministry House!

I was so surprised myself that I can drag myself up. Previous night, I had returned home late after watching Forbidden City with Irene..It's superb, shall blog about it another time.

Woke up and dragged myself to River Valley having reached Sengkang Station at 630am. After a short warm up and stretching we were off, cutting through Chatsworth Road, through to past all the Embassies and Gleneagles Hospital and then Botanic Gardens!
The morning air was so fresh, really could feel my whole body more at ease when I ran in the morning then evening. Not albeit muscle and knee pains after that...:(

Botanical Gardens was refreshing, some crowds of people are already there, walking their dogs, and practising Tai Chi and swordplay...;P there was even a Chinese Christian Choir doing warm-ups with their voices...

Phew am so tired after the run that I plonked down and napped on the couch in the Ministry House..:P

Milestone 2: Passed my Violin Grade 6 Exam with a Merit!
I cannot believe it! It's really God's grace again! Throughout the 11 months preparation, I was even more broke than last time, spent much more money in fact about 3.5K in total! God showed me in more ways than one, His love manifested through many people:
First, I managed to get Geo to help me with the Aural preparation, to teach me how to sing and manage all the "tau geh" on sight.
I have to thank my dear friend Nizam!! He managed to grabbed hold of secret lock codes for me to enter into free sound proof studios complete with an upright Yamaha piano in each of them! It's exhorbitant to rent studios and they were charged at 40 per hour. I nearly cried when i heard the pricing...

My dearest pianist Salome reduced her hiring fees for me so that I could save on all the expenses, and even kindly provided for me her church premises, her house for me to practice on the violin...:P

God is so gracious! She had went on a conference in Taiwan and had come back earlier especially for me! Can you imagine how touched I was? Was super touched...Despite the break in training... My boo boo in the actual exam, I trembled even much more than I did last year and could not even play my scales properly!! I remembered vividly that I even turned off the air con cos it was blowing my music sheets all over the place....EVERY SINGLE MISTAKE COULD BE HEARD CLEARLY :P

I think I pity the British examiner, in a hot and stuffy room without aircon, in long sleeves and tie, okay what's worse? i) Being STUCK with me. What's worst for him? ii) Being stuck with my awful violin playing. What's really torturing him at that time? iii) I was the last candidate in that time slot that ate into his precious lunch time...:P Phewwweeee!

I thank God for being with me every step of the way...I shall press on to complete my training!
I would also like to thank every single one of my friends, bros and sis who prayed for me and with me for this exam! You all make a difference! :D

Hope Church 15th Anniversary! 16th Sep 2006

Me and Mingzhu

The elusive misty machine that caused us to splutter and cough whenever it puts out smoke, totally engulfing us in smoke and blurring our vision, hahah Simon our E-guitarist stepped on the wrong pedal!! attempt to make us look mysterious


I know this post comes late but I really thank God for being part of the Anniversary Band this year! I remember the times when I really had to drag myself in between the rehearsals, the preparation for the violin exam, the workload in NIE ..I thank GOD that He brought me through. The long hours spent was certainly worth it!The one word to really describe the experience is, "BEAUTIFUL!" The presence of the Lord could be clearly felt throughout the hall as people were soaked in worshipping and praising God. The perspective I saw from when I was stationed on the stage was simply breathtaking! The balloons, the confetti, yes and all of you!!

Despite the previous day's rehearsals ending at 11:30pm and musios having to come early to do sound checks and rehearsals at 830am, the moment we went on stage and the song "Highest" came, sweet adoration just overflowed from my heart, all my tiredness, fatigue seemed to melt away and really dwell in the presence of the LORD!

We shared many jokes also, about the infamous "dry-ice machine" who would emit smoke every few minutes without warning, shrouding us in choking smoke, making us cough and wheeze always...a lot of near accidents happened! waahhaa.. Sijia noted during lunch that both our hands were trembling badly that we could not hold the spoonful of rice properly...we really played so much! :P we had only 45 minutes then to finish our lunch, change, do hair and makeup..You all should have seen the dressing and makeup room, it was WARFARE!! Shen Teng looked so "pretty" with gelled hair and blusher! :P

I would say this again, nothing beats playing together in a band who flows together and who really all have a heart burden to see people being drawn by the music to worship unto the LORD. I made many friends and certainly gained more experience in playing techniques and missing the times now that I think of it...:P I am so impressed with the youth singers and musios! Simon, the shredder E-guitarist is 17! Joanne, one of the lead worshippers is like only 23? Check out her voice here from this video clip from Junming's blog:



Think now, the song that is stuck in my head is the song written by our very own musio, David "Ah Seng" Chua who wrote "Greater"


"You must be Greater in me O Lord,
Let all the rest fade away
Draw me nearer to You each day
I yearn to fix my eyes on You.

I want to give You my everything
Just to walk with You by my side
My joy is complete in You
For You are my strength, my hope"

May the Lord always be my strength and my hope,
Be my Love, ........Always....:)

Personality Tests taken on a stressed up day! :P

You Are 70% Extrovert, 30% Introvert

You are quite outgoing You are a social connector - you know a ton of people While you aren't a wild extrovert, you are a great talker A fantastic storyteller, you keep everyone laughing

Are You An Extrovert or An Introvert?

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary. You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts. All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

You Are A Realistic Romantic

You are more romantic than 70% of the population. It's easy for you to get swept away by romance... But you've done a pretty good job keeping perspective. You're still taken in by love poems and sunsets You just don't fall for every dreamy pick up line!

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

Birthed into a new CG!

As of two weeks ago our CG birthed into another one I am now under the new group called NG6B3 under Poy...

I am a bit sad that we have to split after only one year by God's grace and missing also the lovable characters when we were under one big group..but I am excited about the opportunities that lay ahead for each and everyone of us.

There are certainly more chances to serve now that our group is so much smaller...left only me and Zhu zhu 2 gals lei...must bring in more gals...so poor thing the both of us faced with 5 very noisy guys!!

Was very encouraged when I heard Zhu zhu mentioned about Joe and Yicheng and Law leading praise and worship together and the joke on the song chosen by Joe "Cheww-yee-Chew-yeee, ooom bah bah!" Okay its "Therefore being Justified by Faith"
You see? smaller group means that each one of us do not depend on the others to work or to serve but it comes outta of our own comfort zone to pick ourselves up, bravely tell your CL..i wanna serve.

I wanna serve.

There are still so many areas that I can contribute to the group. Am excited on how its going to come out...I pray that I would be able to avail myself more to see our group mature and grow in numbers!

Shall start with a guitar lesson to teach my sheep...any more takers?

I propose Wednesdays and Tuesdays... if i dun have music prac hee..:)

Teacher's Day at NIE!

This year's Teacher's Day is spent on Friday at NIE itself. We had a Maths Lab Lesson and one of my classmates actually bought a cake to share to the whole class. Something special is that we are teachers celebrating for our teacher! Absolutely felt like a small kid again, we sang Happy Teacher's Day in the tune of Happy Birthday to our Maths Tutor, Mr Lee Ngan Hoe. He's a really funny guy and we all really love him.. CC see if you can spot your friend Kevin in the pic? :P


Made Mr Lee turn around to face us as we sing the song!

My QCM 501 class! :D

ONE dollar-one-dollar-one-dollar-ONE!!!

Yes, can you believe it? My dad was so mean that he actually made a huge joke outta me signing up for the Stan Chart run. Over an episode of "My lovely Samsoon" on TV, he could not stop laughing when I told him that I have plucked up the courage to sign up for a 10km run...

He immediately turned over to Ma and said,"I'll bet you ONE DOLLAR that she would NOT be able to run on Wednesday!" (After an enthu Rac rushed to declare to them that she's going to run come Wednesday after school!)

Indignant and possibly sheepish with my laughing parents, I made a stubborn decision in my mind to run no matter what. Come Wednesday, I finally finished my 3 Maths quizzes mini "Marathon" and my head is swimming from the lack of sleep and yes when you all see me this week, I have outbreaks all over! :P Maths is so tough!

It's such a drag that when I reached home yesterday at 630pm I had to pluck myself from the couch to start running. Put on my shoes and all of a sudden became super conscious. Made a huge mistake of not warming up and immediately started running round the neighbourhood...

This is the first time I ran round my estate can? Have moved in Sengkang for a good 7 years and i am still a stranger to my neighbourhood! That really tells me how long I have not walked around my house..Highly strung, I found it very hard to relax and enjoy the run, my mind still clogged with lotsa things...Wow the force of gravity has certainly worked even betta since the last time I ran, every step seemed so tough and heavy.:P

Okay managed a tiny little distance of 4 rounds around the estate. Estimated 2km?? wahahah and Joe said,"It's 1/5 of your total distance! Jia you!!"

Still recovering from aching limbs, am lousy right?

Treading on dangerous ground...

Ever hear this line that's mentioned in movies? Expecially those swashbuckling movies where swords are welded, flashes from the clash of swords later and the two lead characters suddenly goes,

"Mister, you are treading on dangerous ground!"

This is what exactly I am feeling for the past few days. It's not about lack of faith, but I really tend to think I am living life on the edge from the things that I have been doing:

1)I signed up for Stan Chart 10km run!!
Yes, to those runners out there.. Miss Tham here has not run in a good number of years and the pounds are packing onto pretty obvious places. I dunno what went into my mind when I took the challenge and signed up for the run with my sheep Zhu Zhu.
Guess I was really motivated by all the CG members and CC mind you, signing up for the FULL MARATHON!They all did so well at the recent Army Half Marathon. wah..scary sia...in a matter of 13 weeks I have to run 10km? Time to get out of that couch and work out!! Good luck to my legs man...:P

2)There are 3 quizzes next week and 3 assignments due by the end of the month.

You guessed it. I really struggle to study for them and do the assignments. Last Friday, after the lecturer threw us a bomb of 3 more assignments. What went into my mind was "And a Happy Teacher's Day to you too!" wahahah satirical joke but I think I am getting really stressed out.So the current count for assignments are,
Maths, 3 written ones including a pedagogical presentation and a lesson plan, plus a research one to be done on educational websites for children.
English, one major presentaion involving a research into a certain genre of children's books and to teach the whole class on the topic.
Educational Psychology: 1 group assignment and 1 Individual assignment
ICT (computing for teaching): 1 1000-word assignment.
Total Assignment count => 7

3)I am surviving on cents that make up to dollars.
The violin exam is finally over, but I am living on what little my savings can allow me. Had spent a bomb on the preparation for this exam. It is much much more than last year as I am sitting for a higher grade now. Bills and loans have been very punctual in their arrivals. Am praying very hard for Pay Day! How far would you go for your dreams and aspirations? For me, its really all the way...:P

4)My health is suffering
There's something awfully wrong with my system somehow. I am getting more anxious, heartbeats are faster (Not particularly when I'm in close proximity to anyone special:p). My hands are trembing...the other day I was just holding on to a spoon to drink soup when I realised how much of the soup I am spilling... My hands are trembling so so much!!Outbreaks on the face are happening. Tempers are slightly shorter. Must be stress, definitely.

Lord Jesus, help me when I am so weak, when all things seem so hard to handle and when everything seems hopeless. Lord I claim Hebrews 6:19 when I cling on to the hope that it is an ANCHOR to my soul, firm and secure. I rest my security in You and nothing can ever take it away from me. Lord, may Your grace continue to cover me and I seek Your forgiveness when I lacked the trust in You and still chose to sway from Your path. Guide me, Lead me and heal me, I submit my life in Your hands! Amen!

What happened on 9th August? a chronological rundown from midnight 00 00 hrs...:P

I know this comes in a bit late..but I really wanna thank all the well wishes of the people who sent me their sms and all their treats....Had actually kept all these sms-es in my phone...could not bear to delete them heee heee..aLSO to the Lord Almighty for creating me back in my mother's womb that I can see this beautiful world and all my friends...

At the stroke of midnight: Issac ("ah-chek", IZ)

12:10 am Caizhu:"Dear sis, Shen yat fa lok! May e Lord shine on u an thru u. B Blez. Cya."
Poy: "Happy blessed bday! Claim your present from Him, He has already given you His promises!"

12:11am Angela:"Yo racheal, Happy Bdae to u! May you be blessed w love, joy n peace in the days ahead...Hope u'll experience greater breakthru in your music, carrier n r/s...stay joyful always :)

12:14am
Shen Teng:"Happy birthday! :) Thanks for guiding me to play violin in wam. I am sure God will use u even more in the area of music as u avail yourself to serve more :)"

12:18am
Shi Ming:"Hi happy bithday! Today is the start of a brand new year for you!"

12:34am
Lawrence ("Gao de"):"I knock on Heaven door. God asks "Wat can I do 4 u?" I ask "Pls Love, Protect & Bless the One reading this sms" 1 yr older ya!"

12:35am
Lyndi:"God bless u on tis lovely day & as God fulfil His promise 4 ur life. I pray He'll snuggle u deep in His love and grace . :)"

12:46am
Yexiang:" Happy birthday Rac! :)"

1:16am
From a sweet young bro, Joe:"I thk our Father in heaven 4 such a bubbly sis in u. ur lively joyful character brings much life n excitm 2 our lives. certainly irreplacable :) it has been a blessg 2b able to embark on tis walk wu. HAPPY BIRTHDAY RAC!!lets look 4ward 2 great things n experiences tt He has prepared 4us :Dhv a blessed dy in Him"

1:40am
Another sweet young bro, Jason: "Happy national day, I mean happy birthday to you."

4:38am
Our youngest brother in Christ ,Qiuping: "Happy Birthday Sis! Today, a beginning of a new day to rejoice in e LORD! Life in Christ may not be easy but remain perseverance, continually focus onto Him and His purpose in u. For He knows ur heart desire wholly & surely bless u wif more than u can imagine. Enjoy ur day wif Him! Amen!"

4:51am (These people dun sleep eh? wahahaha...)
Wilson:"Happy Bday! May e LORD our GREAT GOD bless u n may all ur wishes come true! Haf a blessed moment. :)"

8:45am
Spencer:"Hey happy b dae,man."

10:09am
Jiawei:"Hey happy birthday to u! Have a nice day today!"

10:29am
Jingjie (NJC friend):"Happy birthday!"

**Rac then takes a break to enjoy my first treat of the day, from two lovely sisters, Sarah and Jeannie who blessed me with a Hillsong songbook and a breakfast treat at Cafe Cartel, dear me blur la, went to the WRONG PLACE! had arrived at CITY Hall instead of PLAZA SING! Can imagine their exasperation! Thanks dear sweeties for putting up with my nonsense! So glad! Jammin'time!**

11:17am
Yuemei(my dear pri sch friend):"hapy birthday! cheers!"

12:48pm
Ah Zhen Ah yee:" :D Hai4 pi2 BIRTHDAY!"

**Rac takes another break to bring family to eat the Holland V XO bee hoon! Slurp Slurp! so full yeah?**

13 14h
Rachel Tan:"Enjoy the day as the nation celebrates with you! happy birtday!!"

13 37h
Rachael Lee:"Happy & Blessed Birthday!May u enjoy another yr of God's blessings! Luv, Rach"

13 45h
Zhiyong:"Happy national day and happy birthday! - Zhiyong :)"

13 47h
John (CJC - Lao ge):"Hey happy birthday 2 u xiaomei! May the Lord bless u and take care. Enjoy urself ya. =)"

14 11h
Karen:"Happy birthday sis! May u be blessed with much more in life! How's celebration gonna be like for u? Enjoy ur special day!"

14 41h
Kim: "Happy Birthday"

15 24h
Jiajun:"Hey babe! Blessed birthday! May e Lord bless this day n year to come.:)"

16 07h
Fenny:"HAPPY BIRTHDAY :)"

16 25h
Ziwei (NTU CEE Buddy):"Hi Rachel. Happy birthday to you! :D"

16 38h
Mingyang:"Happy birthday!"

17 15h
Guang An:" Happy birthday sis. Hope you like the songbook."

**Rac now stuffed to the brim (this is so not doing any good to my thick waistline), rushed down to ah Cheng's place at River Valley for CG...Received a hippo from Mingzhu!**

17 52h
Nizam (NTU CEE Buddy):"my apologies if i'm late, but here's wishing you happy birthday and happy national day!may you have a wonderful year ahead! :)"

**Rac now rushed down to prolly the finaly gathering for the day, of all my old NJC classmates at Serangoon, Wenli's place...**

20 15h
Guang Rong (UL):"As we celebrate National Day, may u also hav a wonderful, memorable and blessed birthday.:)"

21 42h
Pamela:"Happy Birthday once again gal!"

22 06h
Cheng Jie:"before the day is over...happy birthday rachel! hope ya had a memorable 27th hatchday! take care n god bless, as always! ;)"

22 23h
Chukai:"Happy birthday rachel! happy 41st..opps I mean 27th birthday. The Lord bless the year ahead and may he add to you even greater opportunities ahead."

22 30h
Limin:"Hey babe, happy bdae! Stay pretty & cool k."

22 50h
Florence Neo:"Happy birthday Rachel. Just in timeo to wish you.:) May you remain beautiful for God. May your dreams come true. Be strong and courageous for God always - flo"

10/08/06
0900h
Aunt Jo:" Happy belated birthday!"

My apologies to anyone if I have missed out their names in any way..shall blog about my birthday wishes another time!

THE VIOLIN EXAM!! - Please pray for me, Friday, 25th August 12:23pm at Kovan Heartland Mall... Love ya all ppl!

Living an Unhurried Life + "Click" Movie Review

17th August Thursday

Had a very meaningful CG today. CC started with sometime of free time for all of us before the start of the CG. We had like 15 minutes of "free time"!! Something "unorthodox" in a CG setting. I guess I am so used to having "organised time" all the time that for a good 5 minutes plus, I sat there and did not really know what to do after she gave that "command", "15 minutes to do WHATEVER you want."

Things start to rush in my head, shall I read? Shall i talk to Zhuzhu, shall I irritate everyone again by playing on the piano? (yes, we are at Room 306 :P)15 minutes!! Do what you want!!

Then I realise, (took quite a while) its really a short time that we can all gather together and fellowship, immediately dropped my book and went to mingle with the rest...

CC started off that day's sharing on how Jesus modelled an unhurried life by asking us a few questions, that got me tickled and feeling guilty all at the same time.


"Have you ever rushed through your supermarket shopping, by going through the shortest queue even though you are not in a hurry?"

"When driving, have you personally estimated which car would move slower or faster and proceed to change lane to the vehicle which would be the fastest?"

"Have you set yourself a list of "to-dos" for the day and may feel angry or frustrated if you have not completed them?" (Rachel paraphrased this last one...:P)

My answer to the above 3 and a whole host of other questions is mostly a resounding YES! I have the "hurry-sickness"!!

I can't just think of my life as so hurried and in a rush to meet my own deadlines!!

*** *** *** *** *** ***

19th August 2006 (Saturday)

Watched the movie "Click" with Jason, Mr D, Peiling yesterday at Bugis, had not watched such a meaningful show for a long time.
Was personally touched by the show. (warning of spoilers ahead, pls dun read on if you dun wan to know the plot!! :P)

The main character, Adam Sandler is an architect and a high flyer who juggles between work and family life like most of us do. One day, when absolutely fed up with quarrelling with his wife and having to care for the needs of his two children.
He went out, met a weird old man in the hardware shop (Christopher Walken) and decided to get a "universal remote".

He was so thrilled with the functions in it that he started to manipulate his life with it. He could actually fast forward, rewind or even skip chapters in parts of his life which he disliked. The turning point came when he decided to fast forward to a quick promotion and realised that the remote actually went on auto-pilot, capturing his most favourite function which is to "fast forward".He realised that he missed out. Big time.

His kids' growing up years, his relationship with his father and wife were all compromised for the sake of fame only then, till near his death did he realise precious time wasted. But the turning point came when he was given a second chance and decided to treasure family time more.

That show really struck me, it's like a really meaningful show after "50-first dates" which also touched me.

I wanted so badly to really drop down my stuff and run home to hug my sisters, my parents, especially my daddy and baby sis.

I was so afraid of missing out. Missing out of their lives when I am here zooming past here mine. I reallyhope I do not already make my time shorten further when its already moving at such a face pace.

I want to be there: when my younger sis needs a listening ear, be there when my dad wants a willing girl to cut fruits for him after dinner, be there for my mum when she wants someone to help her with her English, be there for my friends, be there for my dearly loved sheep and shepherd, be there to pray if I am so tied up, be there for GOD when HE calls me...,

Time, a precious commodity.

*** *** *** *** ***

We ended our CG discussion,"Jesus was always busy but never in a hurry." He took time to seek and pray to the Lord even when He was surrounded by so many needs and requests.

Praying for a more effective time and more of God's grace for time spent with my family members and friends and to most importantly slow down, give thanks to the Lord and refocus...

Maybe I shall choose to walk and wait instead of taking that cab or bus one day eh?

:P

Recording @ Nexus! Thank God this band!

Phewwweee! Just came back from a 4 hour plus long recording and practice session at Nexus! We managed to finish recording for 3 sets plus the song presentation item with three of the songs written by our very own Church Members! "Psalm 78", "Lord of Creation" and "Greater".

Really thank God for putting me in this ministry. I remember how the initial stages when I first went for auditions with my old violin back in the church office with the "storeroom" then at Joo Chiat. Remember those days guys? heheh I remember going for auditions with Wilfy then! wah...so fast eh 2003! Could remember those two years plus of struggling how to fit myself being a classical player into a band. It was so tough, had to source out many many songs and tried writing parts to the music to fit myself into it. Then came the rehearsals.

From the initial stages when I was still a student then, I would struggle with my studies and then work before going for practices, only to be "drowned" out by the many other electric instruments... I used to tell myself, what's the point of playing if I could not be heard? hhahah i took a hard knocking from God one day when He revealed to me that the gifts was given for me not for showmanship or wanting to be heard above the noise, but rather a simple, humble heart who's willing to let go and let go use it in the atmosphere of worship for His people. When my studies were failing, work is really strenuous, I really find it hard to further worship God with the gift of music, dragging myself then to the practices.

Then, one day, God spoke to me," Worship is unto Him alone and my gifts are His.I am put there to glorify Him" That's it. There on the stage that fateful Sunday, I realise how small I am and that God could choose to take away gifts or shut me out if He wants, cos He's the Provider in the first place. Stunned, I submitted to God and I just whacked on my violin and the music just flowed. I was rather conscious in the past on whether I would be heard or whether I played okay, but that particular Sunday was really significant. This experience staye etched in me. I never thought that I would hear from God in such an audible voice that day....

Over the span of 2 years coming to 3 years come September, many ppl came and went. But the most important thing I realised was the willingness to avail yourself for God to use you. I was so very tired during rehearsals at one point, I nearly fainted, I cried out in desperation that Lord we NEED MORE STRINGS!!

It was only until after 2 years that my prayers were answered. I thank God for Shen Teng, who happened to drop by the Church for some course just last month, he took up my violin and played. Fenny decided to audition him and there and then, he decided to be part of the strings section! Then one Sunday afternoon, this dear sis SiJia came up to me and told me about the burden that God has placed in her heart for the music ministry and that she could play CELLO! I was so touched by God's outpouring of all the people into our ministry just like that.

Our WAM vision of forming a strings orchestra by 2007 is slowly coming to past. Right Fenn?

Love this ministry. Love the people in it lots and loads! Really still in awe, from a lone string player, to an addition of 2 more strings!! Could really experience the joy in serving in the music ministry when you have people who play the same kind of instrument with you! hehehe.. We had great rapport, working out the parts together and had our "siao" times in when we were absolutlely tired, belting out "Canon in D" and some other sad songs! wahahah... I can't thank God enough now how the band sounds. It's a huge 14 member band, with people from all over the church forming the band. It's the first time most of us have worked together today with all the singers. It's definitely wonderful to be able to play sweet music unto the Lord with the instruments...:)

Looking forward to producing more great music for the Lord and His people at the Anniversary service! :P May God continue to give us spiritual guidance in being better musios for God!

Sentosa

Me and Yong Han! NTU Civil Buddy!


I am at peace with the world....(Law)



Must take this pic of the lovely sunset, shall go around all the beaches to collect the pics...:P God is an awesome creator of sunsets!!



CC, Zhu and Me



All of us at Coffee Club after the Bdae Celebrations

6th August - Unit Chill out at Sentosa!

We had Unit CG at Bible College that day, where new members of our Unit is announced. Zhen Min, Yuhui and Roger. Quite a fun time getting to know each other and learning about spiritual disciplines. But somehow...somehow...I am not happy...why?

This is supposed to be a joyous occasion where the CG has decided to celebrate my birthday in advance for me. I could not bring myself to smile...there was this absolute sadness and heaviness in my heart. Then I realised....someone is not there.
I really miss this someone. Nope "someone" din pick up my calls nor did "someone" respond to my sms. Did something happen to "someone"? I have not seen this person for quite a period of time already. Frustration? Tiredness? Disappointment seemed to creep back up cos this person is not here.

I know this is immediately a threat to sink and dwell into the emotional rollercoaster ride again. I told God then, "Lord, would You instill in me this renewed joy in You once again!"

It is a reflective time for me...i realised that now with every birthday, i seemed to weigh the things that had happened the past year and really feel myself joining into my own pity party. Yes, it's a tough year with many things happening, but the Lord has shown me through!! In and outta of jobs, days of "poverty" and spiritual dryness, days of emotions overun! It's over, at every stage, i fall, pick up mu pieces, and reform them into a totally new me when i start off. Then I realise, that my heart is slowly being "deformed". Patches of your heart "sewn" back would not really fit well you see, and often threaten to burst at the seams where t is the weakest.
Would I want to present a dented heart when I finally meet God? or when I finally meet the person of my dreams?(haha...)
I pulled myself up. My sheep Zhuzhu has painstakingly planned to make this happy for me. Really should appreciate what people has done instead of feeling so bad.

Reached Sentosa, and who did i think I would see but YONGHAN!! ahhhh! This guy is one of my good "kopi" buddies in NTU! Known this guy for a good 6 years la, very comfy with him, something like a "jie mei" version of a guy! Zhuzhu was so sweet to plan his secret appearance! Really miss this buddy. Me, Zhuzhu and him had so much to catch up. He's now based in the Philippines and a frequent flyer. Could see how work has changed one's perspectives and life aspirations.I sense a lot of emptiness, a lot of fear of being lonely, left to fend on his own.
But it's amazing although Zhu and me were shocked at what he told us about what happened to him in the last few months, somehow deep in my heart, I told myself I would pray for him. His emptiness, I am very certain would be filled by God alone. I would not judge him like that but knows he really needs God too! Somehow, you would have this deeper desire for your close friends to come to know God too after you really have tested what the good the Lord had done to those who really earnestly seek after Him! I guess being a child of God has really gave a whole new meaning to me towards life.

When I realised that, my own feelings of sadness seemed to melt away and focus unto God once again! There was this purpose and calming down of the heart that the Lord has given me, along with STRENGTHENIING. Yes, I may seem to get in and out of this stance, struggling, falling, and the picking up of myself is all so difficult. I realise that I need to just hold on to God and fall in love with Him all over with Him again.

Read this the other day, my face could not stop smiling at how much love God has poured into my heart again.

"When I said, "My foot is slipping," Your LOVE, O Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me, Your consolation brought joy to my soul."

~Psalm 94:18-19

The rest of the afternoon was fun spent playing frisbee and we went to try the Luge Ride, which was this chairlift thing and a "go Kart" kind of ride where you sit on one "sled" and slide down very fast down the slopes and curves.

I tell you all, I have a TERRIBLE fear of heights, that tears started streaming down my eyes!!!! The chairlift was only as high above the trees but i gripped my toes so tightly to prevent my sandals from falling out. I was scared stiff, much to Yonghan's amusement!!

Dinner was spent at Coffee Club, where more people actually came down even though they were really tired out and sick, Mr D, Shi Ming, Joe...:) *touched* *touched*

Thank you all from NG6 B! Really appreciate all the things that you all have done for me! do forgive me if I am a bit stunned or not responding! Really deeply glad to be part of this group together with you all! Let's grow stronger in the Lord together! Love ya all lots!

:)

Some pics of the NDP Preview

Absolutely love pictures, absolutely love my dad

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Found this really cool site on how to create slide shows from your photo collection from blog surfing. Kudos to Junming! Super amazing! He's got such creative ideas to edit his pictures and made it all so high tech...:P

Well, I absolutely love taking pictures...would always remember my father teaching me how to take pictures, how to choose the correct lenses and lighting and its my dream if I have got the moolah get the conventional cameras with filters la...:)can take beautiful shots wor!My dad is one who inspires me most on phototography..i am still a novice la as compared to many ppl...want to learn how to capture moods, expressions and people, love nature also, especially sunsets...But I would remember the days when I was young when I would sneak into my dad little "dark room" to play with all his developing tools and liquids haha..My dad was a professional photographer who had won international awards waaaaaay back into the 1970s...these days he would only talk fondly of all his achievments la...

He would let me play with his cameras, learning how to set up all the tripods and to stare through the viewer of all his expensive cameras, some Leica ones, the Nikon ones his favourites and of course the Pentax ones....if you all can remember cameras of the past were big black or silver with the "chic-chak" sound when you want to snaps pics....remnants of these gems can be found in Peninsula Plaza i think...of course...i spoilt a lot of his precious...:( those days we were not very well off so those cameras really cost him a fortune. he never once blamed me for those, in fact, he helped me to hold a camera and to learn how to focus, and all the technical terms, "over and underexposed", "filtering" , how to choose lens sizes..what do all the 35-150mm meant....

I am thankful to the Lord for blessing me with such a loving father, who spent hours day on day teaching me and nurturing me the way I am... I would always remember all the childhood days spent out at the beaches, fishing and playing in the sun, stepping into waist-high deep mangrove swarms to catch fish,hahah I got my cheekiness and my stature from his side of the family!! He's a good storyteller you know, and my bedtimes are filled with his wonderful stories of Chinese History and mystical creatures, he got me so in love with reading that it really helped me in my decision also to desire to be a good teacher.

Have learnt in yesterday's class that a young child needs to be read to at least 2-3 times a day in order to be able to master language and be a good reader when he/she goes to primary school.

Lord Jesus, I am so blessed with such loving parents. Help me to show love and grace to them as my family members. Help me to cherish the times that i can spend with them. Help me to make the most out of everytime i have with them. Lord, I love them and I commit their salvation in Your hands!

"Let Love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them in the tablet of your heart." ~Proverbs 3:3

Pictures from the National Day Parade Preview 29th July

Fireworks display taken from where I was sitting cool hor?

This is my very first NDP that I went and attended at the National Stadium, the very last one before they are to pull it down for the Singapore Sports Hub. Very sad lei, this stadium has many memories for me too. Remember that my primary school was Ai Tong Primary School and Sports Day for us every year was a huge affair.

We always hold the Sports Day as Five Schools Combined Sports meet cos we are all under the Hokkien Huay Kuan and its really a big affair cos then the various schools will compete each other fiercely to see which school would emerge tops. My school Sports tee was red, so it was pretty outstanding. My principal had cheered for me when I was running around the track for my "400m C girls" race! I still had my Shot Put trophies also!! :P The guest of honour then was the UOB Chairman, Wee Cho Yau!

Oh yea, anyone out there went to watch the Malaysia Cup at the National Stadium? hhahah I did! Those days the Kallang Wave was so fun! The stadium will be packed to the full as people supported the Singapore Lions..oh yeah that year they lost to the Pahang Team...:P

Dear all its a fallacy, let me explain to those friends over the years who think I would have free passes to go to National Day Parade because of my birthday..well....Nooooooo...I was kiddish lah, actually wanted to drag my whole family to go with me, but my parents being teachers had already been tasked to bring kids to National Stadium every SINGLE YEAR! So I balloted online and got the Preview tickets just like that..so exciting...4 in all...

Managed to get Sarah, Florence Neo, Mingzhu and me down. I was so excited wor that I sms-ed them and made them wear red and all. Kallang MRT was flooding with people that TP had to block out the roads so that the people could cross the roads to the Stadium!! Let the pics do some talking...:p

This Stadium...part of my growing up years also...will cease to exist soon...sigh...

When my birthday approaches...

When this time of the year approaches...my life seems to slow down...and its true people sink into more "reflective" mood, What have I done? What have I not done for the past year? Could it be any better?

At this point of time, you realise that there are some things that keep reminding you that you are old enough even though you try ways and means to mask it...

I know I am getting older and a 70's baby when:

1) I can relate to Class 95 FM Love Songs and some old Chinese Songs:- I find myself singing along to the songs that they played at night! Oh dear....Depeche Mode, Whitney Houston, Simply Red, Bee Gees, Simon and Garfunkel, Sting, Guns and Roses, Richard Marx ..just to name a few...for the Chinese, it will be haha , "Xiao2 Hu3 Dui4", "Wang Jie", Wu Shi Kai, Chen Shu Hua, Qi Jin and Qi Yu....

2) I get tired easily and can't really stay up late like I used to :- I find myself feeling extremely sleepy at 11pm! My hostel days were madness, I could go on without sleep for two days in a row! My muscles start to ache like crazy when its simple exercises like walking and climbing stairs....

3)I can totally relate to Pastor Ben:- when he mentioned the old 80's movie, "The Gods must be crazy". It talks about this African man who found a glass coke bottle which fell from the sky and the whole tribe worshipped the bottle as it was a gift from the gods.
The show actually did a few sequels after that, the Gods Must be Crazy part 2, the lead African tribal man, Nixau actually came to Hong Kong and did two more films because of the show's popularity, one with Carina Lau and the other with the departed Chinese Ghostbuster "Lin Zhen Ying" think some of you can remember him as always a Taoist Priest. Sadly both Mr Lin and Nixau had since passed on.

4) I realised that my conversations had more sentences started with, "in the past", ..."last time"..."Do you remember..."

5) I actually starting to miss being in the 80's in fact, Growing up in the 80's.

6)That day at Church Camp while we had Unit bonding time, I actually flipped the songbook and realised that I could sing and play a good number of "older" Christian songs,Jewish-like songs like "Sing Unto the Lord", "El Shaddai", "Jehovah Jireh","When the Spirit of the Lord", "Be Thou My Vision"...just to name a few...

Okay la....enough of stuff to remind myself of my age...heheh will post the pics that I took last Sat at the NDP Preview soon..:P

English Content Upgrading Exemption Test

Dear me! Sat for a terrible paper yesterday at school! wah..its actually an exemption test whereby to test students on the technical aspects of grammar. Successful candidates who cleared the paper can opt not to sit for the module or do another round of testing...

I went through a gruelling 45 minutes of the test and have really felt terrible from the moment I opened the script..examples of the questions given(From what I can remember la...dun quote me wor...it's that scary!!)

Question:In the phrase "The Sun's visible surface", the head of the phrase is:

A) The C)The Sun
B) Sun D) visible surface

Or how about this?

Question: In line 3 the phrase "For some time after the hurricane," is NOT n adverbial clause because it is used as a/an

A)complement to the noun phrase "hurricane"
B)preposition to the next clause
C)noun phrase
D)subjugate conjunction




Question: Which of the following phrases is passive?

A)is complicated C) had
B)is produced D) had called

Question:Which of the following is true in Line 2-3 in Text 1?

A)"Although (line 2)and "Like" (line 3) belong to the same classifcation of words because they are linking two facts together.
B)"Although (line 2) and "Like" (line 3)belong to the same classification of words because they are comparative in nature.
C)"Although" and "Like" belong to two different family of words because the former is used as a comparative whereas the latter is used as an adverbial which precedes a noun phrase.
D)"Although" and "Like" belong to two different family of words because the former is used as a verb linking two sentences whereas the latter is used a preposition which links up facts related to the subject.

eh? Greek to me lei....it really seemed like forever for me when I really had to try to figure out what does an "adverbial clause" mean or "conjuction" or "preposition phrase", or "embedded noun phrase".
Din really prepare for it but only a brief glance through the grammar book that my colleague had lent me... How do teach English like that?

Can really identify with the kids now when i asked them to check their exam papers and they could not check....why? because they don't even know what they are checking!! they could not even understand or answer the questions!! hahaa....get a taste of my own medicine!!

It's next week..Anyone interested?

FRESHIE again! Third Day...

This is so cool...was telling CC that we are freshies again! It's great to be back in school again studying despite just barely one year ago I was dying to get out of school now back at NTU canteen A.

One year...changing jobs in and out of them and in the process..certainly trusting God for the provision that I needed. Somehow the providence just came...to go for a missions trip in March, paying for the Church Camp and all...wow simply amazing....

Got off the familiar Bus 179 at the slope up Canteen A, went straight to buy my favourite 35 cents Kopi...they serve good coffee okay? All the aunties were like "You are back!!!" Had hung out too often during my undergrad days at the Canteen heee all the aunties all recognise me le..:P heee, felt like going back home. This is some place I know deep inside I would always think of when i recall on the old days..

Had Teambonding on the first day and yes, its orientation revisited...aiyee made to clear many station games with our groups.crawl on the floor, clear obstacles, team cheers...etc Apparently they had devised a brilliant way to make sure that you showed up for it....they had strategically grouped everyone according to their project mates for this particular module Group Endeavours Service Learning. aiyee.. you "zhao" you would not know who's your group mates...:P

Met a lot of old friends, you know there are some names you associate yourself at different stages of time and you know certain monikers like your Chinese name only surface from before circa 1995!!

"Qinxin!!!"

I was shocked, to hear this girl calling out to me..Yeu Pei, I had not met her for a good 10-11 years since NYGH days!! She din change much and it was good to reminisce about the old days with her and also saw more secondary school friends, all of us busy catching up....along the way met more ppl, from the friends I had met during my relief teaching stint at Compassvale Sec School..all of us, gathered back again at NIE...really feel like a good reunion.

Been praying to ask God whether I should drop my subject specialisation and do music as a teaching subject. Somehow, the option to opt out of the two subject specialisation did not seem too attractive, I felt more rather that God was speaking me in another sense to teach people to worship God through the music ministry instead of merely teaching....after much praying.. I also knew the added stress of the music teachers in Primary schools nowadays and knew that its really up to the school if they want to allocate you to teach Music....as long as you got the heart, you can offer your services and interests to the school...

Really hope that this is correct decision to make... did remember before that the teacher in charge of the music CCA in my contract teachig school wanted me to help teach music in the CCA if I ever get posted back...cos in the subject specialisation, I would be trained to teach higher levels not just the lower primary levels. I wanted to expose myself to teach across the levels not just focused on a particular level of students..

The directive from God was rather getting clearer, that He needs me to help lead people into worshipping in their skills in the various instruments, i hope this means strings... Well this could be teaching in a sense too..hmmm am keeping my fingers crossed.

Touching people's hearts through worship unto God is a whole new perspective to me...dun know whether I can fit into the shoes that God wanted me to fill...still feel inadequate though...

21st July 2006- Racial Harmony Day at Maris Stella! Starting NIE on Monday...:P

Me kapok a Sari that day from my sis and with the help of my dear friend Hazlina dressed up like an Indian!
Me and the other contract teachers, Xiao Xuan, Jonathan all laughed ourselves silly in the staff room posing with the shots...

The kids all giggles when I entered the class,"Miss Tham You look funny!!"... took many other crazy shots though..that's it...the end of my contract teaching stint in Maris Stella...:)

Stayed in school and packed and marked till around 430 to nearly 5!!

I had a really wonderful time in this school, certainly grew in the knowledge of how to handle boys and greater dependency on God!! haha...:) See where God leads la..maybe I will come back wor...:P

My Lord - Demo Part 1

Can't believe it on how fast time flies!
Found an old scrap notebook which I had kept when I was in NTU days, wah, nostalgia!
All the sowing plans, all the study plans that I had found in that book, my notes on how to improve my studies, my shepherding teachings.....plus plus this other song, half finished "The Lord Reigns" inside! I have actually written the "Tau geh" somewhere, must be lost in the sea of paper in my room or crashed with my old comp...:P
I remember those days when I would pull out the guitar and just write and write songs....heee..time to revive that sigh..IF i have the time..

Today this song came to my head and STUCK..

I have recovered Lord! I have recovered! When I was on my way to school today then I realised that my focus was no longer on that pain and that hurt anymore but a renewed sense of joy! This must be what they say when the Lord puts a new song in your heart! My soul is rejoicing at the knowledge that the Lord God loves me and cares for me...not a cliche way of writing but I really feel that freedom.
Today is also the last day (really this time round) at Maris Stella Pri and I am going to miss the boys so so so much!

New steps to take, new beginning, new lessons learnt, another milestone in my life is starting soon...:)

This song stems out from the gratefulness and gladness from the deep recesses of my heart. The release I felt when I laid all my hurts, burdens and struggles at Jesus' feet. Although I know that when I look back at this period of time, this darkness, this valley of doubt , a shadow of it will always linger, but I know, with God's love, things can only get better from now on! :)Thank you guys for bearing with me...sisters, gimme a squeeze on the arm when you see me okay? :) so when the song came, I took out that trusty O scapbook and wrote and wrote...

Here is the song, draft la, recorded it in my mp3 player, will upload it soon...;)



My Lord

Verse:

My Lord Jesus, I found joy when I found You!

My Lord Jesus, standing firm, Your word so true!

My Lord Jesus carried me from depths of shadow

My Lord Jesus, strengthened me from all my sorrow...

Bridge:

My soul is lifted, My eyes are on You

My voice is singing, all praise upon You

My hearts contains the overflowing of Your Love...

Chorus:

I will praise You, My Lord!

Praise You the King of my heart!

I bring glory, I bring praise to You who reigns!

I will praise You, My Lord!

Praise You as I follow Your word

You speak truths, You speak freedom to my life...

(Repeat Verse)

Received the date..25th August 2006

Here I am again, this is another round of the Violin Exam... am taking the Grade Exam again with all the young kiddos in the studio..

God brought me through this period last year, although I had little sleep and practice, His grace was WONDERFUL and SUFFICIENT for me. Need that same grace now...exam pieces are definitely more difficult and my time is getting more and more tight..no time to pracice..so scary....

This would be a time again where my emotions and finances and definitely trust in God will be heavily tested.. stress levels were high yesterday and I had tossed and turned in bed till 4 plus yesterday..will I be able to make it this time?

Just finished practicing on Anthony only the scales and it took me already one plus hour..the pieces all took about one plus hour each to iron out too...waaaah...

Praying hard now...Please be with me Lord!

Those who know me long enough will know...

that I am a HUGE JAY CHOU fan....yeah laugh, snigger and tease...I have all his albums, including concert CDs and yuppss..and I LURVE to sing his songs at the KTV!!
Concerts yupps been there too...joined in the screaming teenage gals...:P

Was so mad at one point, I was collecting his pictures and keeping all the old copies of magazines....remembered i went "magazine hunting" last June in Hong Kong, just to sweep up all the Intial D mags i could find!! yeah yeah I am mad... I figured out his guitar rifts in his songs and always played them on the guitar...nevermind the bad press, just really appreciating a talented (okay, at least to me) artiste...:)

What's the most silly thing that I have done? well, spending $8.50 for one of his movies called "Finding Jay" which he appears only for 10 minutes waaaaaay at the end!! yeah I am mad...

There's this rather beautiful track that's not very well known called "Gui ji" or "Hidden Track" from that show lor...
Do pardon the video quality...:P

Turned around for merely FIVE SECONDS, only to see a bloodied face, a broken nose and 5 very guilty boys....:S

What we did during Praise and Worship at CG yesterday

Really laughed till my tears came out when I saw this....check out all our fattened bodies!!! Aiyoh I looked so silly ...the other notable stars are Mr D and Shiming..turn up the volume and you can hear Kim bursting out in laughter already...Thanks ah Lee! wahahah...

It's really a good time of praise and worship :)

What have I learnt from teaching in a boys' school...

Not exactly like a Billboard Top 100 hits but I am pretty sure that it will soon reach that some day...have started teaching in the school since March 23rd...wow....am amazed by what I learnt and what I have personally been experiencing in the school...shall name some interesting finds...Here are my Top 7:

BOYS - What I thought I knew....

1) Being a teacher in a mission school,you are deemed to be religious. Kids will come up to you and ask you about Bible stories and about God. I had one boy dragging his poor friend to me accusing him, and very indignant,"Teacher, you know what? He DON'T believe in GOD!!" (eyes wide open in shock)..

2) You are a part time mother in classes, whether you want or not. In my two months plus stint in the boy's school, I have tied numerous shoe laces,helped a small boy put on his shoes and socks after he started sobbing, wiped up a boy's puke, gave plasters for a particular grazed knee, help comfort a boy who swallowed his baby tooth and another who had a loose tooth, listened to numerous stories how they spend their weekends, helped looked after their wallets, held a few boys' hands when they were feeling lost, comfort a few more crying ones...well you get the idea...

3)You suddenly developed a penchant for collecting things. You go in on the first day of school, you tell yourself, aiyah, I am a new teacher...nothing much to collect also mah...in my stint there, I have amassed at least 20 plus pens and pencils, erasers or what's left of them after being scrapped into bits by the boys, their soccer balls, their basketballs, satay sticks, rulers, flying rubberbands, Pokemon cards, offending papers with scraps of vulgarities, staple pins twisted into weapons of destruction to be used in class, one green wriggly little caterpillar...hahah the boys are very creative I tell you.

4) They can be very sweet and half absolutely have a big heart who do not remember scoldings. They help you carry your things when they see you struggling, take water for you when you are sweating in the hot sun, come up to you ..and "teh" you, sweet talk starts young from the age of 7. One moment you are fuming and lashing at them, the other moment, you see them running to you waving" Miss Tham, Miss Tham, Miss Tham!!" They still draw cute things and even make handicrafts for you. Have been kissed by two lil ones last term when they thought that I would be leaving then.

5)Boys will be boys. They love to play with things that they had created, paper aeroplanes, are very good at building fantastic structures that you never imagined. Still a kid la, they love cute stickers on their papers even though you think to yourself boys should be more garang. They love robots and dota, Maple Story and are very good at Maths and IT. Neat handwriting is a 1 or 2 in 40 ratio. They love running. Absolutely. They really sweat it all out during break time and after school... When it comes to fighting, you betta be there to quickly pull them apart...

6)They love videos and learn really fast visually. They can remember particular diagrams and videos which was shown to them weeks ago and put them into practice, oh yeah, pray hard that the videos are not the fighting ones...haha

7)You definitely pray much more.

When days are long and work is dreary...

Hot hot days in the classroom, losing my voice big time..think i developed larygnitis, my voice really cracked lei...oh gosh, please heal me Lord!!..These days I have been jamming quite a few worship CDs ...just seeking that peace that I so long desired, noises built up all around me, my kids in class, the war that is going on in my head....seeking that peace....

On days like these, I really "soak" myself in worship unto the Lord...its when down times I know i should hold on all the more to Adonai. hahah the other side of my character is seeping out....and according to my shep hahah ..this has affected some people in my group...I look so scary ah? wahahah i chuckle to myself..no la not the evil twin Rac...just slightly more contemplative, not wanting to be a joker all the time, shouldn't I?

Pride? A battle of not wanting to let my defences down? Protection against myself? I am not sure...but one thing I am very certain....I hope I have not hurt anyone, cos I just want some quiet moments...not that I am against anyone wor...
Bear with me guys...

Bought two albums recently, Paul Baloche "A Greater Song" and Philips, Criag and Dean "The Ultimate Collection" ..very good buys....think one of the songs which I learnt last Wed when I attended Paul Baloche's workshop is this "I will Boast" very catchy and nice tune...that stucks in my head...Indeed, I will boast of the Lord my God alone...from Psalms...
Something that Paul shared that touched me was his simple humility towards just wanting to serve God and for His people to come to worship God. I was so touched by that workshop, really lifted my spirits up many many notches...Reading from the book of Psalms, the words of the song just flowed from his mouth as exhibited a lifestyle of worship unto the Lord....okay la..back to my marking...:P

Here are the lyrics:

I Will Boast
Paul Baloche

Key: D
Intro:
D Dsus D Dsus D Dsus D Dsus D A
(Repeat)


Verse 1:
D5
Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom
D5/B A
Or the strong man boast in his strength
D5
Let not the rich man boast in his riches
D5/B A
But let the humble come and give thanks
G Asus
To the One who made us, the One who saved us


Chorus:
D Asus
I will boast in the Lord my God
Bm Asus
I will boast in the One Who's worthy
D Asus
I will boast in the Lord my God
Bm Asus E7 G Dsus D
I will boast in the One Who's worthy, He's worthy
Dsus D Dsus D Dsus D A


Verse 2:
D5
Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom
D5/B A
Or the strong man boast in his strength
D5 D5/C#
Let not the rich man boast in his riches
D5/B A
But let the humble come and give thanks
G Asus
To the One who made us, the One who saved us


Chorus 2:
D Asus
I will boast in the Lord my God
Bm Asus
I will boast in the One Who's worthy
D Asus
I will boast in the Lord my God
(1st ending)
Bm Asus
I will boast in the One Who's worthy
(Repeat Chorus)
(2nd ending)
Bm Asus E7 G
I will boast in the One Who's worthy, He's worthy


Other:
Bm D E7 G Bm D E7 G Bm D E7 G


Bridge:
D5 A Bm G
I will make my boast in Christ alone
D5 A Bm G
I will make my boast in Christ alone
(Repeat twice)


Chorus 3:
D Asus
I will boast in the Lord my God
Bm Asus
I will boast in the One Who's worthy
D Asus
I will boast in the Lord my God
(1st & 2nd ending)
Bm Asus
I will boast in the One Who's worthy
(Repeat Chorus)
(3rd ending)
Bm Asus E7 G E7
I will boast in the One Who's worthy, He's worthy
G Dsus D Dsus D Dsus D Dsus D
He's worthy

©2006 Integrity's Hosanna! Music
All rights reserved. International copyright secured.
CCLI song #4662350

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